| "...a peculiar mix of the arbitrary and urgent." |
[Jan. 6th, 2010|12:16 pm] |
In this world
We walk on the roof of hell
Gazing at the flowers.
~Kobayashi Issa
"[...]The severely brain injured are not getting the treatment they need - they're getting mistreated through neglect, misplacement, and isolation. Numbers, however, are not lying in hospital beds, nor are they languishing in mental health asylums and prisons. A brain injury has a way of exposing humanity at its most vulnerable, fragile, and determined."
Head Cases: Stories of Brain Injury and Its Aftermath, by Michael Paul Mason [The entire Introduction is available to read at that link.] |
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| wait- |
[Jan. 3rd, 2010|05:13 pm] |
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Good lord, classes start tomorrow. The break is already over. I've barely caught my breath from last quarter. At least I am TA-ing logic this quarter, something easy for me, and still fun. I'm also looking forward to working with this particular professor, the newest addition to our faculty, as I am hoping he will be someone with whom I share some philosophical interests so that I might possibly work with him a bit in the future. From the currently very limited epistemic position I have of him, it seems likely enough that some of our interests cross enough so as to foster some excitement for me about possible future discussions. But we shall see. In the very least, I couldn't help but decide that I simply must sit in on Arthur Fine's philosophy of physical sciences (read: quantum mechanics) course this quarter. I nearly squeed with giddy girlish excitement when I looked over the online syllabus. Aside from the fact that I'm already rather interested in all of this anyway, it would be a good move on my part to allow myself to add to my future CV that I audited such a class with Arthur Fine. I'm already working myself up into a better mood just anticipating this stuff. If only I could simply drop every single other thing I am doing, and devote all of my time to this course... |
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| Removing harsh chemicals |
[Jan. 1st, 2010|07:30 pm] |
I had intended to post about this before, but, like several topics of posts, it was lost along the way. I've put the first and third topics behind cuts, only because I want to draw your attention to the second one. I'd say that for environmental ethical reasons, it is certainly the most important. But additionally, for me, it's the most exciting one, I think, because it clearly hits home with my childhood fantasy of living a lifestyle such that everything I need just comes from the earth itself, without the need of a laboratory, just the right stuff and the right skills to get everything I'd ever need on a daily basis. (Yes, I really did have that fantasy as a child, and in many ways, still do. But that's a tangent, so I'll save it for the end of this entry.) Now, I know that that will probably never quite happen, but if I can come as close as possible, I'd surely like to. But it's not entirely because I'm anti-synthetic chemicals; I really don't think they are inherently bad. In fact, I'd have this desire even if I thought none of them were bad. Because it's much more deeply rooted in something I felt far before I had any understanding of the fact that some chemicals are harmful to the environment and to our bodies. I don't know any other way of describing it other than to say that I've just always felt a very strong pull to want to live according to much older ways, much closer to the ways of the third world, because I've just always felt a very strong connection to nature. Anyway...before I lose myself entirely in this tangent:
First, I decided to switch from using toothpastes like Colgate and Crest and such, to using toothpaste made by Tom's of Maine. ( continue reading about my rather odd but exciting experience with this toothpaste. )
Second, my Mother had told me all about soap nuts, specifically of the sapindus mukorossi species, as the most natural kind of soap you can possibly get. Quite literally, the berries of these trees are picked, de-seeded and dried, cracked, and that's it, there's your soap. A few in a muslin bag can be tossed in with the laundry, entirely in place of laundry detergent. They don't leave any kind of perfume or odor behind. You can boil them in water to make a liquid soap, if you need to do laundry with cold water, as the soap nuts need hot water to release their saponins. But it's an all purpose soap, so you can use it for anything. They end up leaving the fabric of your laundry much softer than usual, although it takes a few washings to notice it. I researched into this, and the reason is that normal detergents, even other all natural ones, or environmentally safe ones leave behind a buildup in the fibers of the fabric. Apparently, this makes the fabric a bit less soft than it should be, and it can also increase the wear of it over time. The soap nuts leave behind no residue or buildup, and after a few washings, the buildup from past detergents is washed out. Now, y'all know how skeptical I am, and I was skeptical. But it's been a few washings for some of my clothes, and I was fairly surprised that they really do feel softer. I don't have to use any fabric softener whatsoever either! No static, still incredibly soft. And I read that your clothes will produce much less lint in the dryer, and that has come out true as well, despite my utter disbelief when I read it. Overall, I've been incredibly impressed by this stuff. Oh, and I forgot to mention: a small bag with about 5 soap nuts in it isn't just a single load of laundry; you can reuse it about 4 times more! (Considering my wardrobe, however, I mostly have to use the liquid. I should add that the liquid, since it doesn't contain any preservatives, will spoil after about a week if stored at room temp., and after a couple of weeks or so if stored in the fridge. So if you try this stuff, don't make too much of the liquid that you won't use it all in that time.)
The thing is, the species of the soap nuts matters. So far as I know, there are only two that have been shown to possess these magical soap powers, sapindus mukorossi, and sapindus trifoliatus. The one I linked above, sapindus mukorossi, is the ideal; a little more expensive than the latter, but apparently worth it in comparison. But generally speaking, the soap nuts aren't expensive at all, I think, in comparison to regular laundry detergent. I purchased mine here: http://www.buysoapnuts.com/ I've been really, really happy with them.
Third, I decided to switch my deodorant over to one also made by Tom's of Maine, one of their 12 hour formulas, not the crystal one. ( Continue reading about my pleasant experiences with this deodorant. )
About my childhood fantasy:
I always dreamed of living on a farm, ideally right near some woods, and the ocean, far away from cities, with maybe a small community nearby from which I could obtain certain things I didn't have the skills for making (yet). Twenty years before I'd ever even heard the word, I desired to live a sustainable lifestyle. My closest friend in elementary school - the closest friend I ever had all the way through high school, even though I lost her just before sixth grade - had an identical dream, and we talked all the time about how we'd live together on a farm, with no one else, out in the middle of nowhere. This is one dream I struggle with on a daily basis, because, as things currently stand in my life, it rivals my dream, nay, my near marriage with Philosophy, the only marriage I will ever have. But my desire for such a lifestyle is just as strong as that for a life of philosophy. In fact, I would actually argue that my philosophical nature and inclinations are tied to this desire for this lifestyle. If I could have my way, if things could be as ideal as they are in my own mind, then I could have that lifestyle and philosophy at the same time. But unfortunately, such a lifestyle would not permit me to be teaching. At least, not on any regular basis. Again, if I could make things be as they are in my head, then I'd fluctuate between living in the university haven, deep in academia, teaching, enjoying students and engaging with other academics in person, and then being out in the middle of nowhere, in the country, in some tiny shack of a home, on a farm, connected to nature, but still always working on philosophy, too.
I know this won't happen. But I've always lived more often in my head than in the "real" world, whatever that is. |
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| The year of the Blue Moon |
[Jan. 1st, 2010|01:38 am] |
About 20 minutes ago (a little after 23:00 here in Seattle), I became aware of the fact that tonight is New Year's Eve, and in [now] 22 minutes, or 1,320 seconds, it will be 2010. And to be honest, the only thought on my mind that followed that realization was about still needing to go to the grocery store, and then wondering if the 24-hour QFC will be open tonight. (This does mean that I'm entirely sober and not at all "celebrating" in the way that is accepted as normal and expected by the majority of people in the first world.)
Thanks to a friend, NP, I was reminded about the full moon. 2010 has been brought into tide with a Blue Moon.
Being rather unable to entertain any supernatural or spiritual or paranormal beliefs of any kind, this means nothing, of course. But, it is no less a wonderful and beautiful fact of the motions of the universe; and perhaps, my lack of such supernatural (or otherwise) beliefs allows me to appreciate just how amazing and beautiful the universe itself just is. (What is that saying, or quote, about the absurdity of spraying perfume onto a flower?)
I don't have any resolutions. I don't really see any point in doing that, although I can certainly believe that many other people have reason for doing it. I only mean, for myself, there is no point. I never stop trying to better myself in all sorts of ways, never stop trying to adapt and evolve myself according to new perspectives and such. It's empty and meaningless to me to have New Year's resolutions, since they would essentially be no different from any other determinations I already have on a regular basis. There is nothing here in what I am saying that should at all be taken by others to imply some judgment or evaluation of others. It's merely a statement about myself.
( Nothing that profound... )
Anyway, this entry has actually taken a rather different turn from where I had expected it to go, and it's far later now than I had intended to still be typing this damn entry, so I'll have to end it there.
But, a certain little ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) nebulosity asked me about my user icon, because I said I have an image of it tattooed on the back of my neck, and so a photo was requested. I don't usually share photos of me publicly, but since I'm not facing the camera in this one, and since it shows off a chunk of my library, which is something I'm rather fond of and proud of, and so enjoy showing it off - hey, I don't have a penis, okay? I need something the size of which to brag about - I am happy to share this photo below. Not the best picture of the tattoo, but you get the idea. (I didn't use the flash, because I hate camera flashes, they spoil pictures.) Oh, and if you end up wondering, I was wearing a scarf wrapped around my head, like a head band.
( Behind the cut, so as not to take up too much space. ) |
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| Let us not regret the future! |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|04:43 am] |
“Scientists should be much braver [...] I think this ethics argument – should they speak or shouldn’t they – is a lot of nonsense. Scientists cannot promise certainty any more than economists can when they call for changes in taxes or interest rates. Uncertainty is part of the human condition. Caution, in any case, may in reality be recklessness.”
~Sir Crispin Tickell
Thanks to www.realfuture.org |
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| Re-organization |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|11:56 pm] |
Why on earth I decide that completely reorganizing the furniture in my bedroom at 23:00 is a good idea is utterly beyond me.
If only my Mother were here now to see me, she'd laugh hysterically at me, because of how characteristic this is of me. I don't think she'd be able to count how many times throughout my childhood and adolescence she found me thoroughly cleaning and reorganizing my room at odd hours of the night. We're talking cleaning projects that took a few hours at least. The noise would wake her, she'd come open my door to see what the hell was going on, and, boy, the look on her face... |
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| Beauty in Being |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|03:30 pm] |
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Sometimes, for me, the day - the very being of the world itself, now - is so beautiful that it makes me want to cry. |
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| At what cost? |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|03:54 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Rosewater Elizabeth | ] |
It's about trust.
Such a complicated little word {world}.
In my experience, either this simply is or is taken to be unfortunately superficial by most people when they consider what it means to trust someone, or to not trust him.
When, for example, you learn that someone has done something and hidden it from you, not just deliberately, but has planned for it entirely, and the person is indeed someone with whom you believed you enjoyed a significant friendship, you might feel that your trust has been betrayed. But what exactly has occurred here? In what sense has the sanctity of your trust been violated {polluted} and disrespected?
Depending on the nature of what was hidden, one might be inclined to say that an individual has a right to his own privacy, or that, perhaps, the reason for which it was hidden was for your benefit. (These are only two possibilities; there may be others.) While I have my inclination to feel skepticism towards the former–but do not make the mistake that that entails that I believe that there is no sense in which the privacy of an individual ought to be respected–I will give you such a 'right', for I do not think anything here hangs upon it. The latter, first and foremost, suffers from the pretension that someone other than you may decide for you what is beneficial and what is not, without your knowledge, without your being given the choice. I am willing to accept that such a pretension is not inherently wrong at all, for there are certainly circumstances such that, individuals as ourselves are simply not in the best position to make a reasonable judgment about what is most beneficial to us relative to some specifics. I would argue, however, that an instance of the kind under consideration is no such kind in which we ourselves fail to be in the best position for judgment. So on the one hand, when hidden for the reason of benefit, the other has disrespected the individual's authority on what is most beneficial to him.
On the other hand, to quibble about this issue already misses the point of real damage, and thus, it is irrelevant. Why? Because it still fails to answer the question, Why did the other choose to do this?, for the relevant point is that he hides something that he willingly created. In what sense of real friendship could such a person genuinely have in mind your benefit?
What then of our right to privacy? As I have given, for the sake of this hypothetical, such a right, then the other has not done anything inherently, preliminarily wrong: he has broken no obligation. If he was not obligated to tell you anything of his private life, then how could he have betrayed your trust in him?
The subtleties are like looking through a tiny prism.
Trust: the obligation to reveal everything.
There is no obligation.
When you place your trust in him, he is not bound by obligation. When he honors your trust in him, it is a gift.
If he is not obligated to give it, then why should he?
{Can any sense of 'should' be made sense of here?}
But this is the wrong question to ask, from within the context of friendship.
To entrust something to someone is to give them some measure of authority, responsibility. For what? What is it that we care about when we entrust something? That it be cared for in whatever way is most appropriate. In speaking of your trust in someone, you normally speak in terms of believing what he tells you. Is his gift simply that of honesty? One can be honest about having hidden something from you when you ask him. Believing what he says as a matter of trust is to entrust him with the epistemic limitation that stands between you and his mind, to trust that he will take into consideration such an epistemic limitation, all that follows from it and is affected by it–your vulnerability, your human fragility–and that such will play a significant role in guiding his decisions, and that that guiding role is directed towards care, and a refusal to abuse.
[Can I trust you?]
[Am I safe with you?]
If he is not obligated to give it, then why would he?
If he is a genuine friend, then we can expect that he would feel personal motivation to share such a gift. For what else could distinguish a genuine friend from everyone else?
But perhaps, I am simply hopelessly misguided... |
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| Exhaustion |
[Dec. 27th, 2009|12:25 pm] |
I don't know if I can adequately express how intense the past couple of months have been, but I will try, later. I honestly don't think I have worked this hard, pushed myself this hard, in a very, very long time, perhaps ever. I don't mean that only with regards to classes and schoolwork and such. I mean it with regards to several things, public and personal. I sacrificed a lot of myself. Unfortunately, I feel far more confident that it was mostly for aught than not.
I can't recall whether I had ever previously mentioned my occasional but serious considerations of relocating, but my feelings pushing me towards such a possibility loom heavy by my side, always visible out the corner of my eye, barely audible mumblings breathed into my ear once or twice a day. I'm so used to telling myself that I have no right to complain about wherever I am, that I ought to be grateful, and stick it out, because I have no right to demand my circumstances more closely correspond to my desires, and so I just need to live with it.
I know why I [learned to] tell myself that.
But, I have to admit, with every year that slips out the door, I worry... |
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